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theresgottobemore
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Name: Natalie
Birthday: 5/9/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: Hip hop, hanging out with cute kids, worship, spending time with my beautiful sisters...Anything active, I love to play sports just to be with people and to use energy. I try to eat healthly, but I do like chocolate...
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/17/2003
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| I have always wondered what a person was feeling when they stated that they, 'needed to get away.' Now that I want to get away for a couple of days, I dont even know what I am feeling. So I thought I'd try to get it out of me by writing. I want to be left alone, from responsibility, phone calls, small talk, expectations...for just a couple days. I want to sleep easy, and let my body tell me when to wake up. I want to read, and write letters, and scrap book. I want to be silent, and breathe deeply. I want to look back, and hear God's voice over unfinished and current dealings related to my heart and destiny. I want to be comfortable in my own skin, and not strive for approval from others. I just want to reset and determine if I am following the voice of the Father or another? I dont feel well today, its been awhile since I've felt sick. Whats wrong soul? Whats wrong spirit? Whats wrong body? Perhaps you are out of alignment? | | |
| Hello Xanga,
Although I've recently become a fan of Facebook, your still the one I can be open and honest with about my thoughts. I've been out of work for about 4 and a half months, but recently got an amazing job; I start on Monday. As I was writing a tentative budget today I realized I have a relatively long road ahead making up for my time out of the country, and this past season of financial drought. The annoying thing is not understanding why God allowed me to live by faith, moment to moment these last 4 and a half months, it almost feels like lost time in paying down my debt. This is particularly frustrating because it was my ultimate goal to pay down this debt this year, and start fresh. Like most things in my life, God was not into my plans, therefore I find myself with the same burden I've been fighting for most of my life. I WANT TO SCREAM. I hate feeling like a slave, to .... money. Anyways, my pastor has been speaking a lot about discerning the times and giving yourself to the task God has ordained for each season of your life. I just want to be rid of this debt, and that will take a lot of discipline, and OF COURSE a change of plans. Another thorn in my flesh, for most of my life, and particularly this year, has been finding a home, a safe place. So after 4 different unpleasant living situations, I had my heart set on moving in with a long time friend; then she got engaged. So then another room mate was handed to me on a silver platter, living in community with some people from the church, yet now I realize I cant afford it, and pay down my debt at the same time. Instead of complaining I should be happy that there is another option, moving in with a married couple (Spanish speaking I might add) for half the price. The only problem is, I've had a lot of awkward shared accommodations and I just want some peace on the home front. I do sense this will be different and thats comforting, yet I already told my other 2 friends that I would move in with them September, and I don't want to mess anyone over. God I just need you to help me out here, not like you haven't been, cuz you always do. It just would be nice to know how I am going to pay my car insurance before next Tuesday when its due. The temptation here is to feel like a failure, but I know that I have been obedient to the Lord in and out of season, and He's just being himself working miracles in unlikely places to build my character and testimony for His own glory. Uuuughhh sometimes knowing the truth, doesn't make waiting any easier. But thanks be to God, that one day this will all be behind, and I will be able to help those as they walk on their own murky waters with a little encouragement from someone who's been there before. I cannot fear what is to come, but just trust that although God's ways are different from my own, He is always trustworthy and faithful!
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| Oshawa has for many years recieved unanimous scowells and pity filled aknowledgments. Though I do not normally join in with Negative popular opinion, I have also been a culprit of devaluing the place God destined for me to born. Recently I have noticed how lovely our little city is. There are many green parks, and a spacious lakefront to explore. I do believe I am ready to proudly proclaim this is where I am from, and where I would be honored to find my own home one day to plant some roots. This change of heart is due to understanding of how as a child I began to associate my family disfunction with my city, placing blame for the hurt and confusion elsewhere so that I could cope. If I were to admit then, that my parents were much of the cause for my shame and distaste of life, I dont think I would have made it this far. I am glad that God has a long term plan, and that He exacts His healing power with gentleness so that we are not immediately overcome by the weight of our soul's needed overhaul. | | |
| This past year has been one of the most enjoyable and grace filled times of my life. No doubt, I was able to experience God's touch this way because of previous years of learning and growth (most of which came the hard way) Yet, it has also been a brutally eye opening season of accepting that my expected timing and method for the Lord to fulfill the purposes He's called me to, are probably not in line with His plans. My brain tells me that I can trust Him, and my heart knows that's true, yet something inside of me is screaming at the top of my lungs, cuz it hurts so bad. I've been recieving a lot of prophecies in this season, and the words are never a surprise to me, (not that they are general or typical) because the Lord Himself speaks them to me first; it means so much to have a human who is totally unrelated to the situation confirm what you are sensing God is speaking. Yet, that doesn't make it any easier to swallow, not even the absolute trustworthy nature of the Lord and His methods. Why? Why is death, so opposite to everything within human nature...Knowing that I must die, in order to be resurrected with Christ, knowing that the latter life will be greater than the first, does not silence the souls gasp for life as it is daily crucified. Nevertheless, I find myself responding to this pain with worship and prayer... I pray because I know God will answer. May today be all you need it to be. May the peace of God and the freshness of the Holy Spirit rest in your thoughts, rule in your dreams tonight, and conquer all your fears. May God manifest himself today in ways you have never experienced. May your joys be fulfilled, your dreams be closer, and your prayers be answered. I pray that faith enters a new height for you; I pray that your territory is enlarged. I pray for peace, healing, health, happiness, prosperity, joy, true and undying love for God. | | |
| Brother, strong and free I have loved you without reasont. I have silently hoped to capture your heart, waiting for destiny to reveal her plan. I have watched you, and longed to stare without looking away. Fragile confidance causes me to look the other way when I sense you there. I cannot stand polite conversation, my heart races to find harmony within yours. What human minds cannot discern has already been established in the Spirit. Reason and past failure cannot undermine the strength of this connection. When I am happy I reach out, and when I am angry I distance myself. No matter how many times you disappoint me, my heart remains loyal. 'Is it really you,?' that I desire or do you represent The One to whom belongs my purest affection? This letter is to Him, my confidant and friend, the one who will feel my joy through bare arms and body and eyes surrendered before His soul. To the rest of the world, I am a locked chest, with treasures of worth kept in trust until the appointed time. Spirit calls upon love today, come to me, I have much to share with you. I need to be known and you want to be understood. I will listen. You have my time. Yes it is You!, my love. | | |
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